TWITTERIVE
"Home"
Prologue: When I first started working on this assignment, I really wanted the focus of my Twitterive to be on a place that was unique and out of the ordinary, but it seemed that no matter how hard I tried to steer myself away from the obvious, I kept finding myself coming back to one of the most obvious places of all, my home. Though my instinct was telling me to write about my home, I was having a difficult time finding any real connection to it., because it is not the same home that I grew up in, and therefore, does not hold the same memories. After thinking things through, I realized that the word home meant so much more than just a house. To me, "home" meant my history, my identity, my personality, my memories, my lifelong friendships, and most of all, it meant my family.
Much of my reason for wanting to write about "home" had to do with the time of year in which we were working on this assignment. The month of February is an especially difficult time of year for me, because it is the same month that I lost my dad, only four years ago. Since I had been thinking about my dad more than usual in the past month, many of my tweets had a lot to do with either him or my mother.
As I continued with the assignment, I kept thinking about something I had read in one of our class readings from earlier in the semester. There was this one line from Wendell Berry's, A Native Hill in which Berry wrote “there is a certain metaphorical sense in which you can’t go home again—that is, the past is lost to the extent that it cannot be lived in again” (6). As I thought about this line, and everything I had been through since my dad passed away, I realized just how true it is. In the past few years, I have had to accept that although I have returned home, the home that I have returned to is one that is far different from the home I had left.
For my Twitterive, I decided to explore the new connection I have to an old place, "home."
Tweets
linhoop Lindsey Hooper #wrt1 I remember when I used to get excited for snow. I'm over shoveling...about to invest in a snowblower25 Jan
linhoop Lindsey Hooper And they say pit bulls are vicious animals. #wrt1#twitterivehttp://twitpic.com/3w9dul
linhoop Lindsey Hooper Taking mom out to dinner tonight for what would have been her and my dad’s 37th anniversary... Miss u so much dad #wrt1#twitterive4 Feb
linhoop Lindsey Hooper "There are not stars in the sky, but rather openings, where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy"~Eskimo Ledgend #twitterive 4 Feb
linhoop Lindsey Hooper "You tickled my toes...checked for monsters…showed me the stars… and taught me how to reach them…I love u dad" #twitterive#wrt1
linhoop Lindsey Hooper Dinner with my mom is like my daily therapy session. She's such an amazing listener. #twitterive
linhoop Lindsey Hooper Sometimes I wonder if it's a little weird that I prefer my mom’s company over my friends. #twitterive
linhoop Lindsey Hooper "He saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be" #wrt1#twitterive14 Feb
linhoop Lindsey Hooper "So He put his arms around you and whispered 'Come to Me.'" #twitterive16 Feb
linhoop Lindsey Hooper "With tearful eyes we watched you, and saw u pass away. Although we loved you dearly, we could not make u stay." #twitterive#wrt118 Feb
linhoop Lindsey Hooper "A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. He broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best." #twitterive11:36 PM Feb 19th
linhoop Lindsey Hooper With each year that passes my memories of u grow stronger. You may be far away dad, but you are closer than ever to my heart. #twitterive11:55 PMFeb 19th
My Return Home
In August of 2004, I made the decision to leave home for the first time and move to Miami, Florida. After packing up my belongings, I jumped in my car and headed down south in search of something new. Before I knew it, I had made a new home for myself and was absolutely loving my new life in Miami. What I thought was going to be just an experiment, ended up turning into four years. Just when I thought everything couldn't have been more perfect, I received a phone call that would change my life forever.
I was finishing up my shift at work when I got a phone call from my sister informing me that my dad had fallen extremely ill and was in the hospital. After jumping on the next flight, I was landing in Philly and rushing to the hospital with my mom and sister. Although my dad had been sick for many years since being diagnosed with hep C and undergoing a liver transplant in '95, nothing could have prepared me for what would happen next.
I was home for three days and my father’s condition had gone from bad to worse with each day that passed. We remained as hopeful as we possibly could, but on February 14, 2007, the doctors came in to tell us that my father’s health had gotten so bad that he could no longer breathe on his own, and needed to be taken to the ICU and placed on a ventilator. While most people spend Valentine’s Day celebrating love, this day turned out to be the day that my heart was shattered into a million pieces, for it was the last day that I would ever talk with my dad. After waiting five long days for him to show some sign of improvement, we came to the heartbreaking realization that his body was too tired to fight any longer, and on February 19, I said goodbye to my dad forever.
After my dad passed away there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that my life in Miami would be no more. The place that had seemed so perfect for me only two weeks before, had meant absolutely nothing to me once my dad was gone. The only thing that mattered to me was being back home with my family.
Daddy
Daddy, for so long you were sick
Falling ill from this disease
We begged you not to leave us,
Please Daddy, please!
Seeing you this way
Literally brought me to my knees
I begged you more and more,
Please Daddy don’t leave!
But you took your last breath,
And suddenly, a sense of ease
You looked at peace for once,
And for that I could not grieve
The thought of you not being here
Is still so hard to believe
Not having my Daddy anymore
The truth I can’t conceive
There is nothing in this world
That could ever take your place
The void that’s in my heart
Will remain an empty space
To My Dearest Daddy
Dear Dad,
I sit here writing this letter to you exactly four years from the day that we said our final goodbyes. I can’t believe it has been four years since the last time I’ve heard your voice or wrapped my arms around your big belly. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were all sitting around the dinner table, and carrying on like the not-so- normal family that we sometimes were (more often than not). I remember how you used to always say that we put the “fun” in dysfunctional.
I know I don’t have to tell you how much we long to have you back with us, because I know you feel the same. To be honest, dad, I don’t think there are any words that could ever express to you what it feels like to not have you around anymore. Even though it’s been four years since you’ve been gone, I know that there is not one day that goes by that you’re not watching over and protecting us. But I wanted to write this letter to you to let you know that we’re doing okay, and there is no need for you to worry about us.
So much has changed since we saw each other last, and I thought you might like to know what your girls have been up to lately. For starters, I think you’ll be happy to hear that I moved back home with mom. After you passed away, I made the decision to put the condo up for sale and move back to Jersey, so that I could be closer to mom. Of course, you know how Mom is when it comes to showing any signs of weakness, so she insisted that she’d be okay, and there was no need for me to uproot my life because of her. But as soon as I told her that I needed her just as much as she needed me, she was up in the spare bedroom clearing out the closet.
You’ll also be proud to hear that mom and I have both decided to make some pretty significant changes in our lives. After all these years, Mom has finally decided to listen to you and retire from the restaurant business. She’s now working as the head of the recreations department at a nursing home down the street, and she absolutely loves it. It’s so nice to see her happy when she comes home from work, instead of being so tired and stressed out from her day. Candace is still living over in Philly with Fred, and she just recently graduated from nursing school. Because I’ve been so busy with school and work I don’t really get to see her as often as I would like, but we still talk to each other on the phone a lot. As for me, well I decided that I wanted to go back to school to become an elementary schoolteacher. It’s been a lot of hard work, but I’ve finally made it to my senior year at Rowan, and I will be graduating next May. It's cool because I truly believe that this is what I was meant to do. I wasn't always so sure, but now that I've had the opportunity to go into the different schools and experience what it's like to be a teacher, I have never in my life felt so sure about anything. I know you'd be so impressed, Dad, especially with my grades. I've either made the Dean's List or President's List every semester so far. Actually, this past November I was inducted into the Golden Key International Honour Society, which honors those students in the top 15 percent of their class. Not bad, huh? It's all so bitter sweet because as excited and proud as I feel to have accomplished all of this, it kills me to think that you won't be sitting there next to Mom when I graduate, especially because I know how much it meant to you that I went to school. Even though I know you'll always be watching over me at all the most important times in my life, it just hurts to know that I will never experience the same feeling of joy that I would if you were still here.
As painful as all of this has been for all of us, it has really made our family bond strong than ever before. You know that mom and I have always had an awesome relationship, but we've grown even closer over the past few years. It’s almost as if being a daughter is just one of the many hats I wear now that I'm home again. Since you've been gone, I try to do what I can to help mom as much as possible, which usually means taking on a lot of your old responsibilities, because I know she’s not used to having to do a lot of those things. Actually, I think you'd be pretty impressed if you saw how often I use your tools, and it may have taken a few years, but I've even learned to master you're crazy electronics and gadgets too.
Even though I feel like I've taken on a lot more responsabilities since I've been home, and can sometimes feel a little overwhelmed with all of my different roles in the house, I really couldn't be any happier with how things are going, because in addition to everything, mom and I have grown to become best friends through all of this. It’s funny because lately I find that I prefer her company over most of my friend’s, but then again, I’m sure that you of all people could understand why that is since she was your best friend for the past thirty-five years.
Although it’s taken some time, we are finally learning to adjust to our new lives without you. I knew that things were going to be different when I moved back, but I never could’ve imagined how much all of this would change me. I am not the same girl that I was the last time I was home. I have returned home as changed woman (I know, I know, it sounds so cliché, but it' really is true), with a completely new outlook on life. I have learned to not ever take life for granted and to cherish the time that I have with the ones I love, because I know how quickly it can all be taken away. I just want to thank you for everything that you’ve done for us and for being such an amazing father to us all these years. It is because of you that I have turned out to be the person I am today, and I just want you to know how lucky I feel to have grown up with such an awesome dad.
Love always and forever,
Lindsey
I sit here writing this letter to you exactly four years from the day that we said our final goodbyes. I can’t believe it has been four years since the last time I’ve heard your voice or wrapped my arms around your big belly. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were all sitting around the dinner table, and carrying on like the not-so- normal family that we sometimes were (more often than not). I remember how you used to always say that we put the “fun” in dysfunctional.
I know I don’t have to tell you how much we long to have you back with us, because I know you feel the same. To be honest, dad, I don’t think there are any words that could ever express to you what it feels like to not have you around anymore. Even though it’s been four years since you’ve been gone, I know that there is not one day that goes by that you’re not watching over and protecting us. But I wanted to write this letter to you to let you know that we’re doing okay, and there is no need for you to worry about us.
So much has changed since we saw each other last, and I thought you might like to know what your girls have been up to lately. For starters, I think you’ll be happy to hear that I moved back home with mom. After you passed away, I made the decision to put the condo up for sale and move back to Jersey, so that I could be closer to mom. Of course, you know how Mom is when it comes to showing any signs of weakness, so she insisted that she’d be okay, and there was no need for me to uproot my life because of her. But as soon as I told her that I needed her just as much as she needed me, she was up in the spare bedroom clearing out the closet.
You’ll also be proud to hear that mom and I have both decided to make some pretty significant changes in our lives. After all these years, Mom has finally decided to listen to you and retire from the restaurant business. She’s now working as the head of the recreations department at a nursing home down the street, and she absolutely loves it. It’s so nice to see her happy when she comes home from work, instead of being so tired and stressed out from her day. Candace is still living over in Philly with Fred, and she just recently graduated from nursing school. Because I’ve been so busy with school and work I don’t really get to see her as often as I would like, but we still talk to each other on the phone a lot. As for me, well I decided that I wanted to go back to school to become an elementary schoolteacher. It’s been a lot of hard work, but I’ve finally made it to my senior year at Rowan, and I will be graduating next May. It's cool because I truly believe that this is what I was meant to do. I wasn't always so sure, but now that I've had the opportunity to go into the different schools and experience what it's like to be a teacher, I have never in my life felt so sure about anything. I know you'd be so impressed, Dad, especially with my grades. I've either made the Dean's List or President's List every semester so far. Actually, this past November I was inducted into the Golden Key International Honour Society, which honors those students in the top 15 percent of their class. Not bad, huh? It's all so bitter sweet because as excited and proud as I feel to have accomplished all of this, it kills me to think that you won't be sitting there next to Mom when I graduate, especially because I know how much it meant to you that I went to school. Even though I know you'll always be watching over me at all the most important times in my life, it just hurts to know that I will never experience the same feeling of joy that I would if you were still here.
As painful as all of this has been for all of us, it has really made our family bond strong than ever before. You know that mom and I have always had an awesome relationship, but we've grown even closer over the past few years. It’s almost as if being a daughter is just one of the many hats I wear now that I'm home again. Since you've been gone, I try to do what I can to help mom as much as possible, which usually means taking on a lot of your old responsibilities, because I know she’s not used to having to do a lot of those things. Actually, I think you'd be pretty impressed if you saw how often I use your tools, and it may have taken a few years, but I've even learned to master you're crazy electronics and gadgets too.
Even though I feel like I've taken on a lot more responsabilities since I've been home, and can sometimes feel a little overwhelmed with all of my different roles in the house, I really couldn't be any happier with how things are going, because in addition to everything, mom and I have grown to become best friends through all of this. It’s funny because lately I find that I prefer her company over most of my friend’s, but then again, I’m sure that you of all people could understand why that is since she was your best friend for the past thirty-five years.
Although it’s taken some time, we are finally learning to adjust to our new lives without you. I knew that things were going to be different when I moved back, but I never could’ve imagined how much all of this would change me. I am not the same girl that I was the last time I was home. I have returned home as changed woman (I know, I know, it sounds so cliché, but it' really is true), with a completely new outlook on life. I have learned to not ever take life for granted and to cherish the time that I have with the ones I love, because I know how quickly it can all be taken away. I just want to thank you for everything that you’ve done for us and for being such an amazing father to us all these years. It is because of you that I have turned out to be the person I am today, and I just want you to know how lucky I feel to have grown up with such an awesome dad.
Love always and forever,
Lindsey
Twitterive Résumé
The Good Times
In Memory of
Robert J. Hooper9/6/53 - 2/19/2007
God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So He put his arms around you and whispered "Come to Me." With tearful eyes we watched you, and saw you pass away. Although we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best. |